Save Me From Myself
by hup123hup123slapslap
Summary: Logan gets attacked at a party and Kendall seems to be the only one that can help him. But, when Logan's attacker moves into the Palm Woods can Logan let Kendall in or will something even worse happen? Rape/non con. Kogan
1. Long Night

OMG? Another one? Really? Don't you have in progress stuff already?  
YES! I DO! BUT I'M UPSET!! :(  
Backstory: I had this idea since watching Big Time Crib ('cause honestly, Kogan was intense there and I'm a twisted person) but I wanted to be "responsible" and "smart" so I wanted to write a few chapters of this and get other stuff done before I posted it. And then there was a Logan rape story (The Smart One by Seaweed Water, go read, because it's still amazing however much I was upseted by it lols) and now there's another one with non con (Safe and Sound by MinuteCloser2Failing) so I need to get this up before another one comes along!

Bah! Anyway, read on! This was the beginning of the first chapter, but I thought it worked better alone, so here! More later tonight though, promise :D

Oh, and if my advertising or rant has upset the authors (or authoresses) of the other stories then please tell me and I shall take it done because I don't mean any harm :D

....not that anyone read my rant....I'm gonna shut up now.

* * *

They were at a party when it happened.

Logan didn't even want to go but his friends (he really needed new ones) had bugged him until he agreed to go. Besides, it wasn't like they could really take care of themselves. James and Kendall would be too busy to notice Carlos climbing a ladder to the roof to do who-knows-what while Carlos would be too busy with that to stop James and Kendall from going after (and getting rejected by) so many girls that it could severely hurt their self-esteem.

So, that's how Logan found himself driving his 16 year old friends to one of the many giant mansions owned by Jennifer 1's parents. Over the last year, since Big Time Rush was getting super popular, the Jennifers had been paying more and more attention to them. This was the first party invite and James was pretty much positive that the Jennifers completely in love with them.

This caused everyone except Logan to get excited, so the car ride was madness. By the time they pulled past the iron gate and started up the driveway James' comb had "accidently" been tossed out of the window by Logan, Kendall had "accidently" tried to punch Carlos but had slammed it into Carlos' helmet instead and was now trying not to move his throbbing hand while he attempted to kill the laughing Carlos.

Logan was pretty sure he should have just stayed home.

"Logan come on!" Carlos had to yank his friend out of the car.

"I don't want to!" Logan whined, trying to hold onto something so he wouldn't be pulled away from the car.

Kendall rolled his eyes. "It'll be fun! Right James?"

James turned away, still mad about the loss of his precious comb.

With an exasperated sigh Kendall turned back to Logan. "Please?" He begged, putting on his most adorable pout. Kendall knew Logan wouldn't say no to his almighty pout (although he didn't know why) so he grinned even before Logan started to nod.

"Fine."

Carlos cheered and let go of Logan, who slammed the car door shut before following his friends inside.

At the door they were greeted by a bouncing Jennifer 2. "I'm so glad you could come!"

James seemed to forget that he was angry at Logan and nudged him, pointing at Jennifer 2 before giving a thumbs up. Logan elbowed him.

"Just um, give your stuff to him," she waved at some random guy off to the side, "and _party_."

Kendall and Carlos rushed away, shoving each other back and forth. James inched towards Jennifer 2 and started to flirt with her. Logan followed Kendall and Carlos, leaving a terrified/amused Jennifer behind with James. Poor girl.

Upon entering the living room (which seemed to be the main party place) Logan found that Carlos was already making a fool of himself on the make-shift dancefloor and Kendall had already struck up a conversation with some girls.

Frowning, Logan sat down on the empty couch. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

Review please!!! I love them like....I dunno...but review anyway

Geez I hate Mondays SO TIRED


	2. Should Have Stayed Home

I need a title for this story though...this one sucks a little. Anyway, get ready for the abuse of the words "stranger" and "blonde". Is this as terrible as I think it is?

And now that I think about it, this chapter went better combined with the last one. Dammit.

* * *

Three hours later and Logan was bored out of his mind. He'd only moved to get a soda (because while there was alcohol the boys had vowed to stay sober) and he just felt stupid.

Carlos and James had gone off somewhere and Kendall was still flirting. Basically Logan was the only one not fitting in. Sure a few girls had asked him to dance but they probably only felt sorry for him (and _ew_) so he politely declined every offer.

A half and hour after that and he went in search of a bathroom. Half because he had to pee and half because of the fact that he'd snap if he had to watch Kendall shamelessly throw himself at any more girls.

It wasn't really hard to find a bathroom because a trail of red plastic cups led the way. Slobs. When Logan exited the bathroom he met the eyes of a teenage boy he'd never met (but he'd never met ¾ of the people here).

He was tall and muscular with light blonde hair and bright blue eyes. The boy smiled widely and Logan blushed. God, this boy was hot.

'_Don't Logan!'_ He scolded himself. With a simple nod in response Logan started the long walk back to the living room.

"Wait!" The blonde grabbed Logan's elbow.

Logan didn't know whether to be pleased or weirded out. Still, he stopped and looked up at the stranger. "Yes?"

"Hi." He let go of Logan's arm.

"Hello."

"So," the taller boy grinned. "You're cute."

Logan turned bright red and looked down, unsure of what to do.

"No really." The stranger continued.

"Um, thanks." Logan replied weakly.

"Come on." Logan's arm was grabbed by the stranger again. "Let's go have some fun."

Logan's eyes widened. "No. My friends—" He tried to pull his arm away but the blonde tightened his grip.

"I've been watching you all night. Your friends won't even notice you're gone." He pulled Logan closer.

Logan tried to pull back. This guy was a creep!

Instead of letting Logan go the blonde pulled the smaller boy closer still. Grinning brightly at Logan's shock he crashed his lips against Logan's.

Logan squeaked and couldn't help but open his mind in surprise. The stranger instantly slipped his tongue inside Logan's mouth, pressing against him at the same time. His arousal pushed against Logan's leg and Logan knew he needed to do something before what he knew was going to happen, happened.

Even Carlos would get the secerity of the situation. Oh no, they would find out this happened. What would they think of him? What would _Kendall _think?

Fueled by a different kind of terror Logan bit down on the stranger's tongue. When he withdrew with a cry of pain Logan quickly threw a punch. Sure he didn't really like real violence but this was an exception.

The blonde swore and released Logan so he could clamp a hand over his bleeding nose.

Logan realized that the other teen was between him and the crowded living room. He quickly spun around and started running, not caring where as long as he got away.

His attacker started after him before he could get too far ahead. Logan wasn't the most althetic person – hockey or no hockey, he was pretty scrawny – and the stranger definitely was. Logan only got a few hallways from the bathroom before the blonde caught up.

"You fucking _bitch_!" He screamed as he grabbed Logan by the shoulder. "How dare you!"

Logan squirmed and kicked backwards, trying desperately to get away again. "Stop!"

The stranger growled and swung Logan around, slamming his head into the hallway wall. With a pained moan Logan crumpled to the ground. Smiling brightly, the blonde kicked Logan in the stomach before leaning down.

Logan – who was bleeding, in pain, and dazed because of the wall and kick – could barely move from his curled up position on the floor before the stranger gripped his throat tightly and squeezed.

As Logan struggled to pull the hands away from his neck, the blonde chuckled in amusement. Lights exploded behind Logan's eyes and black began to edge across his vision as he tried to breath.

Finally, after what seemed like ages, the stranger let go of Logan's throat. Logan gasped for air, coughing harshly.

"Now you're going to be quiet and stop fighting me." The stranger yanked a terrified Logan into a standing position. "If you disobey me, I _will _kill you. Got it?" Logan nodded numbly, tears starting to leak out of his tightly closed eyes. "Good."

Logan followed the stranger slowly into a nearby bedroom. Even if his wrist wasn't being held in a vice-like grip he wouldn't have run away again. And as the stranger closed and locked the door behind them Logan felt deeply ashamed.

All he could focus on was how weak he was and the large body pressing down on top of him. Pressing _into _him. He really should have stayed home.

* * *

Review please! 3


	3. Where's Logan?

Blarg blarg, short, but I wanted to get in the small bit about Logan's confusion before I told the story of how Kendall came to find Logan :D I'm such a terrible person.....And now I'm planning on angsting up Victorious lol Nick does bad things to my poor mind.

* * *

Kendall wasn't worried when Logan disappeared. He was probably hanging out with James or Carlos. It wasn't like he _had _to sit alone all night. But something didn't feel right.

Pushing the unease to the side, Kendall continued to have fun. Or rather, try to have fun. Nothing was really fun without Logan anymore. Lately he just wanted to hang out with Logan and not girls. But that was weird, so he just snuck glances at his friends while he hit on girls.

When he saw a grinning James walk into the room Kendall nearly sighed in relief. He'd know where Logan was.

"Guess who got a date?" James bragged as he walked up to Kendall. "Oh yeah, I did!"

"Throwing something at you isn't a yes."

IN response, James threw something at Kendall.

"Hey guys, don't be violent!"

James looked behind him and threw a dirty look at Carlos, who was smiling as he walked towards James and Kendall.

Kendall made a face. "Where's Logan?"

James and Carlos stared at him blankly. "I thought he was with you." James said.

"Yeah, I haven't seen him all night." Carlos added.

Kendall closed his eyes and felt the uneasiness from before rise up again. "But I haven't seen him in at least an hour."

"Well, where is he?" Carlos demanded, Kendall's nervousness making _him _nervous.

Kendall simply shook his head.

"Then let's go find him." James suggested, trying to snap Kendall out of his daze. Kendall nodded and the three of them went in search of their friend.

**-BTR-BTR-BTR-BTR-BTR-BTR-BTR-BTR-BTR-BTR-BTR-BTR-BTR-BTR-BTR-BTR-BTR**

He wasn't sure how he'd made it out to the hall. Time was moving strangely and he kept jolting in and out of reality. Somehow he must have gotten off the bed, pulled on his clothes, and stumbled into the hallways, but he couldn't imagine how. His head was pounding viciously and the rest of his body ached, except for his backside, which just _hurt._

He went to rub his eyes and realized that he was crying again. When did that start?

A second later and someone was shouting at him and shaking him. Another gap in time.

"Stop!" He tried to yell, wanting the hands to go away again. Instead, of yelling however, all he managed was a painful croak. His eyes fluttered closed again as he tried to cleat his through.

"Don't touch me!" He cried, this time succeeding in being semi-loud. The hands stopped shaking him but refused to let go.

"Please don't…" He whispered, quickly losing energy. "I can't…not again…."

The hands pulled him into a strong embrace. He felt himself be pulled against a warm body and started to panic. Weakly, he tried to pull away, crying even harder when he couldn't. "Not again. _Please_." He chanted, a pitiful attempt at saving himself from further harm.

"Shhh, calm down." A voice responded. It was a nice voice. Not like the other boy's.

Slowly, he stopped struggling, realizing that the hands and the nice voice belonged to the same person.

"It's ok." The voice soothed.

It sounded familiar. He sighed as a warm feeling spread through him. Even now he could still feel the butterflies in his stomach as he realized who it was. "Kendall?"

"Yeah Logan, it's me."

Logan smiled briefly before another realization hit. He was pathetic and dirty now. Kendall will hate him when he finds out! He turned to the side and promptly threw up.

* * *

See, this would be longer but I needed to get this done quick 'cause I'm on my sis's laptop. Review? No?

And I love you all, I must say. I'm glad to know that there are fellow people that share my love of angst. Is it sad to say that I couldn't sleep a few nights ago and so I just wrote done like, 15 different ways I could completely angst up Logan? Yeah, I call it the "Logan Whump/Kogan Angst Mission" so...maybe I'll write some of those lol


	4. Found Him!

I don't even know...lol that's pretty much all I can say XP

If this is worse than usual, blame Victorious, because that show has taken over my mind. Why Nick, why do you have to have the most addictive shows ever? Besides the BBC of course.

* * *

Jennifer 1's house was bigger than it seemed. By the time they got done with searching all of the main party areas and a couple of hallways it had been over a half an hour. Kendall was freaking out and Carlos and James were worried.

"Where is he?" Kendall fumed, not knowing whether to be mad at Logan for going off on his own, himself for letting Logan go off on his own, or at someone else for possibly doing something to Logan.

"I'm sure he's—"

"Found him!" Carlos exclaimed, cutting off another one of James's "calm down" speeches.

Kendall skidded to a halt and looked to where Carlos was pointing.

"Finally…" James muttered. His mouth snapped shut however when he saw Logan.

Logan was sitting down, knees pulled to his chest with his forehead resting on them. Even from a distance he could tell Logan was shaking.

Kendall quickly shoved past James and ran down the hallway towards Logan. He dropped to his knees and called Logan's name.

Slowly, Logan lifted his head up, eyes open but not really taking anything in. Kendall instantly saw the thick line of dried blood going from a gash in is forehead to his chin. Ignoring James and Carlos's gasps, Kendall gently started to shake his friend. The dead look in Logan's eyes was really starting to worry him.

Logan opened his mouth but could only manage a quiet croaking sound. That's when Kendall noticed the purple bruises decorating Logan's neck. Kendall sucked in a deep breath and continued to try and get Logan's attention.

Logan instead closed his eyes. "Don't touch me!" He demanded, sobbing.

Kendall sighed in relief and stopped shaking him. At least Logan was aware of everything now.

"Please don't…"

Kendall didn't want to let Logan go. He was obviously upset and confused, and Kendall just needed assurance that he was there and alive.

"I can't…not again." Logan was now crying harder than Kendall thought a person could.

Pushing back his own tears, Kendall pulled Logan closer in an attempt to calm him down. For a minute, Logan was completely terrified. "Not again! _Please_ not again." Logan was saying it over and over, giving up on his attempts to get away forcefully.

"Shh, calm down." Kendall whispered in what he hoped was a calming voice. It had the desired effect and Logan relaxed slightly. "It's ok." Kendall continued.

"Kendall?" Logan asked in a small voice.

Kendall smiled. "Yeah Logan, it's me."

Just as Kendall was about to sigh in relief at Logan's recognition the brunette tensed. In a split second he was leaning away from Kendall and throwing up violently.

Carefully, Kendall leaned Logan more to the side so he wouldn't be barfing on himself or Kendall. Kendall started to rub circled into Logan's back like he used to do for Katie when she was sick.

Carlos and James watched helplessly from behind Kendall. They didn't have their cell phones with them, they didn't want to leave Logan to get them, and they certainly couldn't really go near Logan without freaking him out.

When Logan stopped heaving he leaned back into Kendall and looked at him with watering eyes. "Can we go home?" He pleaded pitifully.

Kendall looked at Carlos and James. James shook his head and mouthed "hospital".

Logan saw this from the corner of his eye and shuddered. "Please! I can't be around strangers!" He pushed away from Kendall suddenly. "No one can know! No once can know…" This chant went on as Logan curled in on himself once again, breathing heavily.

Kendall glared at James before turning back to Logan and turning on his get-Katie-to-calm-down voice. Hopefully it didn't just work on Katie. "Logan, do you _need _to see a doctor?"

Logan shook his head furiously. "I don't need stitches, I don't seem to have a concussion, my ribs aren't cracked or broken, and my throat is just bruised." The medical analysis seemed to calm him down some and he was breathing normally by the time he stopped talking.

James shrugged. "But none of us can drive."

Carlos snorted. "I can. My dad taught me when he was teaching me how to chase down criminals."

"You don't have a license!"

"So he won't get pulled over!" Kendall snapped. "James and Carlos, go get our stuff. I'll get Logan out to the car."

Carlos and James nodded and ran back to the main room. Kendall turned back to Logan. "Hey, I'm going to pick you up ok?"

Logan looked away and simply nodded, feeling like an idiot for getting himself in this situation. He uncurled himself to make it easier for Kendall to pick him up.

Kendall carefully moved one arm behind Logan's knee and one behind his shoulders. Logan grit his teeth as Kendall lifted him up gently, refusing to cry out in pain. At the same time, Kendall was trying to be as gentle as possible.

For once, Kendall was glad there was alcohol at this party. The few people who saw him carrying Logan just thought Logan was completely wasted. They weren't stopped on their way out.

With Kendall's determination to make this as painless as possibly for Logan, they got to the car way after Carlos and James. Carlos was already behind the wheel, and James helped Kendall get Logan into the back. Kendall slid in beside him while James took the passenger seat.

Kendall carefully pulled Logan closer. Logan flinched again, but quickly calmed himself down and settled himself into Kendall's arms.

Kendall was left to wonder what the hell had freaked Logan out this bad.

* * *

Review? Yes? -nudge nudge-

Yeah, James is probably super OOC, but hey, someone has to be responsible right? And it's not gonna be Carlos and Kendall is too worried about his boyfr-...Logan to think clearly.


	5. What Are We Gonna Do?

An...update? -le gasp- NO WAY! Geez, that's how I feel at least. I'm so glad it's finally summer! No more dumb school. I seriously got SLAMMED with work because of that hell...but I'm back now.

Actually, another reason for my absense was that I got back into video making (Victorious has taken over my brain). And hey, good news, might start making BTR vids! Yay! This fandom needs more slashy videos.

Gosh, please ignore the terribility and total filler-ness...again. It gets better, I promise! I'll update soon too! -nod-

* * *

Logan quickly fell asleep on the ride home. He felt surprisingly safe leaning against Kendall. It was all he needed to give into the exhaustion that coursed through his body. Kendall was content to let Logan sleep on him. At least he wasn't freaking out.

"Should we go to the hospital?" James asked quietly.

Carlos glared at him, but Kendall knew he was just trying to help. James was overwhelmed by all this, just like the rest of them.

"No, the last thing he needs is us betraying his trust." Kendall replied softly.

"Good point." James bit his lip and eyed Logan worriedly. "But…what do you think happened?"

"I don't know." Unconsciously, Kendall ran a hand through Logan's hair. "But whoever is responsible is going to pay."

"Hell yeah." Carlos agreed.

"Count me in too." James added.

Kendall laughed, hoping that Logan knew how much they all cared about him.

**.:.:Really boring page break:.:.**

Kendall didn't know whether to be relieved or upset that his mom wasn't home. She'd know what to do. She always knew what to do. But she was back in Minnesota with Katie, visiting family.

It had taken a lot of begging to convince his mom that they should stay behind and now Kendall wanted nothing more than to be sitting in his grandma's smelly living room, laughing as Carlos chased Logan around with one of her vicious cats.

They had all agreed to a few rules before she left. No parties, stay safe, and watch out for each other. Needless to say they would never be staying home alone again.

Thankfully, it was pretty late, so nobody saw them smuggling an asleep and very bruised Logan upstairs. Kendall carried him again, while James and Carlos hovered around awkwardly.

James hit the elevator button harder than necessary. "I know this is a terrible idea, but I'm still going through with this. God, now I know how Logan feels."

"I know, ok?" Kendall snapped, carefully maneuvering Logan into the elevator. "Logan could be hurt worse than he let on, but it's not like we have much of a choice. We can either trust him and risk him getting physically worse, or we can break his trust in us and risk him getting emotionally worse. The second part is harder to fix."

"It still sucks!" Carlos whined.

The elevator opened and Kendall led the way to the apartment, trying to ignore the fact that Carlos and James were burning holes into his back because of their staring. They thought he had all of the answers, like always.

He didn't.

"I'll get him in bed." Kendall announced once they were in the apartment.

"I'll make popcorn." Carlos volunteered. He thought better with popcorn in his system.

"Yeah, we need to discuss this." James flopped down on the couch, tugging at his hair nervously.

Carlos and Kendall nodded in agreement, heading their opposite ways. Carlos quickly pulled out he microwave popcorn and put it in. Kendall carried Logan to his room. He was thankful that he shared a room with Logan because it meant that he could keep an eye on him.

Kendall kicked the door open and shuffled awkwardly through the mess he'd left on the floor. Finally, after almost falling once, he gently lowered Logan onto his bed. Logan would have to clean up later, but for now Kendall wanted him to sleep.

Logan groaned softly and curled into a ball. Kendall flinched at this and squeezed Logan's hand reassuringly before rushing out of the room.

Upon entering the living room he found Carlos and James on the couch, sitting just inches apart and both picking at popcorn nervously.

"He's fine." Kendall assured before making a face. "Or…he's asleep at least." He made his way to the couch and collapsed on it. "But what are we gonna do?"

* * *

Review please! I haven't quit this story, promise. I love Kogan too much...


	6. Nightmares

I know! I know! I'm terrible at updating! I'm sorry! I've had summer gym, then extreme knee pain, then I realized that youtube was amazingly awesome lol

I had a ton of request videos on youtube to make, so this kinda took a backburner.

Now, I've got vacation in 2 days, so I'll update when I get back. Fanfiction will be prioritized before youtube, promise.

Sorry if this chapter sucks, but as requested, it's a slightly longer chapter lol

* * *

**Logan POV**

_I smiled at Kendall, who smiled back cheerfully._

_"This show is stupid."_

_"Yeah, but it's strangely addicting." He countered, putting his arm around my shoulders._

_"Um, that's true." I replied, hoping he didn't notice how much my heart was racing. "Most shows are."_

_Kendall rolled his eyes and switched off the TV. "Logan, I know neither of us want to talk about TV shows right now. Will you ever get the hint?"_

_My mouth went dry. "W-what hint?"_

_He grinned slightly before moving closer. My eyes simply widened comically as he pressed a gentle kiss to my lips. I couldn't seem to get my brain to function._

_Kendall didn't seem to mind though. He just pulled back and smiled. "I love you Logan."_

_I sputtered. "You…I don't…you mean….huh?"_

_"I. Love. You." He repeated slowly._

_A grin broke out on my face. "I love you too!" I burst, leaning in to kiss him._

_But then Kendall pulled away, frowning. I groaned in frustration._

_"What?" I demanded, standing up._

_"Don't touch me." Kendall sneered, standing up too. "I don't want your _germs _on me."_

_"You _just_ told me you loved me!"_

_"Me? Love you? How could I love you? You're _dirty_ and _pathetic_."_

_I could feel tears welling up and I willed them to go away. "Why? Why are you doing this?"_

_"Because of _him_." He replied simply._

_Instantly, the living room of 2J melted away, taking Kendall with it._

_I was back in that bedroom. With _him_. The blonde haired, blue eyed stranger._

_"Time for round two." He grinned._

_"No!" I screamed. "Not again!" Sobbing harshly, I collapsed into the corner. "Kendall, please!"_

_"Dirty and pathetic." The stranger mocked over and over, his voice sounding more and more like Kendall's each time._

_"Kendall, help!" I shouted helplessly. "Please!"_

**.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;3****rd**** Person.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.;.**

James, Carlos, and Kendall were still sitting in the living room, talking about what to do. Carlos wanted to call Mrs. Knight, James still voted the hospital, and Kendall wanted to do what Logan wanted. They weren't getting anywhere.

"No!"

Everyone jumped at the unexpected noise.

"Was that Logan?" Carlos asked quickly.

"Not again!"

The three boys were up in an instant, tripping over each other in their rush to get to their friend. Kendall made it to his and Logan's room first, his blood running cold when he caught sight of Logan thrashing desperately around on his bed.

"Kendall, please!"

Kendall froze at this, staring in shock at his sleeping friend.

"Wake him up!" James ordered.

"Kendall, help!" Logan screamed at the same time.

Shaking himself, Kendall ran forward. He carefully avoided Logan's flailing arms and pulled him into an awkward hug.

"Please!" Logan whimpered, struggling against Kendall's grasp.

"I'm here Logan, I'm here. It's alright." Kendall soothed, repeating this not-exactly-true statement over and over until Logan stopped squirming and hesitantly opened his eyes.

"Kendall?" Logan asked, blinking slowly.

"Hey." Kendall sighed in relief.

Logan mistook it for a disappointed sigh.

"You're—" Kendall started.

"Don't! Don't say it." Logan shouted, starting to push away from Kendall.

"Say what?"

"You're going to say I'm dirty and pathetic."

Kendall shook his head and held Logan in place. "No! Logan, listen to me."

Terrified, Logan stilled and met Kendall's eyes.

"I would _never _call you dirty or pathetic."

"You don't know what happened!" Logan protested weakly.

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does!" Logan sobbed. "It matters to me!"

Kendall mentally slapped himself. That wasn't the best choice of words. "I just meant that I'd still care about you no matter what happened. I promise."

"Sure." Logan wasn't convinced.

"Please Logan, I care about you. Let me help."

"I don't…" He looked at Kendall with tears in his eyes.

"Ok. You don't have to tell me now." Kendall smiled gently. "Can I help you get cleaned up?"

Logan blushed slightly and nodded. "Help me get to the shower?"

Kendall almost grimaced at his friend's hesitate, childlike tone. "Sure. Of course." He helped Logan stand up, guessing that Logan would object to being picked up.

He realized James and Carlos had fled long ago. Thank god. They hadn't needed to see all that.

Slowly, Kendall helped Logan to the bathroom. Once there he watched helplessly as Logan limped in and slammed the door shut.

Worried, but not wanting to push it, Kendall sighed and walked away, deciding to let Logan shower in peace.

Once again, James and Carlos were on the couch. Carlos had his head buried in James's chest, sniffling pathetically while James fiddled absentmindedly with the pillows, extremely pale.

"Maybe we _should _go to a doctor. Or at least a psychiatrist." Kendall thought out loud as he walked into the room.

James sighed. "Maybe for now we should just keep it secret."

Kendall raised his eyebrows. "But you—"

"Look, you seem to be the only one who can calm him down. I for one don't want to witness what would happen if you broke his trust." He smiled shakily at Kendall.

Grateful, Kendall smiled back. "Fine."

**[][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][Logan's POV][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][} **

My body exploded with pain as I bent down to turn on the water for the shower. Gritting my teeth, I turned the water on as hot as it would go before painfully standing up straight again. I wouldn't ask for help. The guys didn't need another reason to think I was pathetic.

I felt a pang of guilt when I thought of slamming the door in Kendall's face, but then I realized it was for the best. He couldn't know about this. It would ruin everything.

The memory of my nightmare made me shudder.

I pulled off my shirt, grimacing as the action jarred my sore ribs. Then, I squeezed my eyes closed so I could take off my jeans. I couldn't handle seeing the blood of the…the semen.

Bile rose up in my throat but I stubbornly kept it down. They'd hear it if I threw up again. And I needed to shower _now." _

Dirty. Disgusting. Gross.

I held back a cry of pain as I stepped into the shower. However, I didn't feel the steaming hot water. No, I was too numb for that. All I could feel was the throbbing of my head and the white hot pain of lower half.

Crying softly, I collapsed under the steaming water, too tired to hold myself up anymore.

I could still feel his hands on me. Could feel the dirt he'd left behind. Picking up the soap quickly, I scrubbed myself.

I scrubbed every inch of my body. I scrubbed until the water running down the drain stopped being dyed pink from my blood. I scrubbed until it hurt.

But he was still on me, and I could feel it.

* * *

Hopefully the beginning wasn't too confusing.

Terrible fic is terrible. Oh wells

Review please! Tell me: Jarlos? Yay or nay? It won't be a huge part but I was just thinking that I'd put them in.


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